If you have teenagers in your life, you know that most of their social life exists in a virtual sphere. Texts, tweets, Facebook posts—teens communicate more via social media than they do in face-to-face conversations. Approximately 75% of teenagers today have a “presence” in the world of social media, and unfortunately, many teens measure worth by how many virtual friends they can amass or by how many “likes” they can get. While there are many positives to virtual interactions for teenagers, such as allowing shy students a non-threatening space to befriend others, there is a sinister side to this new virtual hangout for teens.
Cyberbullying, which is the use of any form of technology to bully another, is rampant among teenagers. From harassment in the form of negative comments directed at another on Twitter to the creation of a fake Facebook page that misrepresents another’s words and images, cyberbullies are able to torment their victims 24-7. According to statistics cited by Enough is Enough, a nonpartisan nonprofit with a mission of making the internet safer for children, 43% of teenagers report experiencing cyberbullying within the past year. What is more alarming is that some studies report that few parents are concerned with cyberbullying, although there are many teenage victims.
What is perhaps most appealing about cyberbullying to a would-be teenage bully is the anonymity that social media affords. Teenagers who would not show a nasty streak in public find it easy to hide behind their online personas. While face-to-face bullying is easily identified by parents, bystanders, and school personnel, cyberbullying is easier to hide . . . and a bully is less likely to get caught. Because cyber bullies often create fake personas in the virtual world, parents and authorities find it difficult to trace the identity of the bully. Even more sinister is the willingness of other teens to join a bully in cyberspace. Kids who would not think of harassing another face-to-face often find themselves drawn into bullying by going along with the rude and degrading comments of others—again, drawing strength from the lack of face-to-face interaction.
The sad fact about cyberbullying is that it seems to have even more devastating effects than traditional face-to-face bullying. Perhaps this is due to the 24-7 access that cyberbullies have to social media and to their victims. Perhaps it is due to the fact that victims of cyberbullying suffer in silence, victims in a world where parents and other trusted adults are not citizens. Victims of cyberbullying are more likely to have issues with substance abuse, poor grades, and school attendance. In the past few years, several stories of cyberbullying victims taking their own lives have received national attention
A kneejerk reaction for many parents is to ban their children from accessing social media sites. To some extent, this may help. However, absence from the virtual hangout does not protect all teens, and in an increasingly virtual world, it is essential that teenagers learn how to exit in cyberspace. What’s more, cyberbullies harass victims regardless of whether they have an online presence or not. So, if we accept that teenagers are going to hangout in the virtual world, what should parents and others who work with teenagers do to protect children from cyberbullying?
Foremost, parents and other adults who work with teenagers must learn to enter the virtual world of teenagers. Cyberbullies have free rein in a world where adults do not go. This is what makes a cyberbully confident enough to torment victims to the extent that victims contemplate substance abuse or suicide. Adults must be willing to hangout in the virtual world where teenagers are.
Further, educators and parents should embrace the virtual hangout as a teaching opportunity. Often, kids are chastised for engaging in social media and parents and educators see it as a distraction from more worthwhile activities. However, like it or not, teenagers exist in a virtual world and this is their way of socializing—similar to kids of the 80s and 90s spending hours on the telephone! Instead of fighting the virtual world, parents and educators must talk with teenagers about how to exist in the virtual world—in a way that is tolerant of others and that follows appropriate etiquette. Adults should work with teenagers to think about what is appropriate to post online and what should be kept private. We should also work with teenagers about how to show respect for others. Parents and educators should also work to make sure that teenagers understand the importance of speaking up if they are aware of intense cyberbullying directed at others.
Finally, adults can encourage teenagers to unplug on occasion. While there are many wonderful attributes to the virtual world and to social media, teenagers should be encouraged to have face-to-face interactions with each other—interactions where devices are not allowed. Cyberbullying happens more often than traditional bullying because bullies do not have to acknowledge the reality of their victims. It’s easier to be cruel to an avatar or a two-dimensional image of the victim than it is to be cruel to a living human being. A virtual world encourages disconnect between reality and fiction. Teenagers need to have opportunities to exist in a brick and mortar world upon occasion.
Bullies have always existed. What makes a cyber bully more sinister is the 24 hour access to the victim and the ability for the bully to hide his or her identity. The virtual hangout changes the rules—making it harder for adults to intervene. Part of the battle is teaching our teenagers rules of etiquette for social media, and learning to navigate this hangout ourselves so that we, too, have a virtual presence in the world of adolescents.
